Yoga before coffee turned out to be a good thing.

I woke up at 9:15 am. "Shit..class in 45 minutes."

I have not practiced since the week following my break up when I did 3 hours of yoga with a half hour meditation in between, in one day. My neck is tight, my shoulders are high, and one of my favorite teachers has been in town for a few short days and this was my last chance to practice with her for maybe forever. Unless of course I find myself in Vero Beach, Florida one day soon. Shelley Adelle was my manager once upon a time at my beloved yoga studio in Hell's Kitchen. She became my friend one Saturday morning about two years ago when I lost the keys to the studio and could not open the door. I called her frantic at 6 am and left a message pleading for help and forgiveness. She returned my call with both.
Later that day, at the studio, when doors were opened, and yogis were on their mats, she enlightened me on a subject that has become a favorite of mine. The astrological phenomenon called the Saturn Return. I had expressed to her that I was feeling like I was losing my mind (along with the studio keys) and couldn't get a handle on anything. I felt like I was headed for a nervous breakdown (I actually did wind up having one of those at a later date.) After telling her my age she replied with a very casual "Oh! its your Saturn!" I've been studying astrology since I was 12, and this I had never heard of. Saturn is the planet of lessons, karma, and father figure. It also happens to be the slowest moving planet. It takes Saturn 29 years to fully orbit one time. Which means that the year you turn 29, Saturn is back in the zodiac position it was in when you were born, since you were born. And depending on what sign it was in, there is a specific area of life that Saturn is returning to teach you about. Now, I was 27 and a little under two years away from my actual Saturn Return, but when I started reading about the subject I found that one can feel the affects of the return as early as 26, lasting past the 30th birthday. I have become well versed in the subject of Saturn since Shelley's first mentioning of it. I know what to expect of it, how to deal with it, and how NOT to piss this planet off. I am currently awaiting Saturn to return to my sign of Libra on October 29 of this year. And I owe the existence of this conversation in my life all to Shelley.
But I got something else out of my cosmic conversation with Shelley. Our relationship was no longer only about clients and Karmi* stuff, it was about my life, my heart, and my sanity. I jumped at the chance to talk to Shelley when we were at the studio together, about whatever was going on in my life at the moment, a new great guy (the ex), quitting my stuffy desk job, a new poem, a bad fight with the new great guy (I think we know who this is now yes?) Until she left New York in the Spring of 09'. Needless to say, I was bummed when Shelley left, but I was also completely inspired, and totally happy for her. I knew that she would one day return to visit. And the day had come..

And here I was lazy, laying in my bed 45 minutes before the start of her last class in NY for God knew how long. I tossed and turned. Told myself, you don't have to go, she will totally forgive you. But dragging my ass out of my bed had nothing to do with Shelley. I knew that if I didn't go, I would be the one missing out. Up I went, out the door, no time for coffee.

On my way there I thought about how my life had changed from the way it was the last time I saw her. I reminisced over the lessons I have learned, the battles I have fought, won, and lost. The growing I have done. My relationship with that great guy, that I use to seek her advice about had since come to an end, I had completed the same teacher training certification program she had done years ago at our studio, and somehow, someway I had become an adult, just like her.

I had new skin walking into her class today, and I was proud of the life I am living. I cried many tears to Shelley, and she wiped them all away always. "Keep doing yoga." she would say. This glorious woman only two years my senior, that somehow always seemed to know so much more about me than I did. It was great to be with her as always, but what was even better, was to be with myself, in her presence.

After class, I walked across the street to the market and got myself the coffee I had done without first thing in the morning... It never tasted so good.

Karmi*-one who is of service to a yoga studio/community.